deviant art

Deviant Login
Buy ArtBuy T-Shirts & Gear Buy adCast Buy Premium Membership
Shop
 Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
[x]
Browse More Like This
Shop Similar Prints
This Print Not Available more ▶

More from *neurotic-elf

Featured in Groups:

Not currently featured in any groups.

Details

November 3, 2009
332 KB
478×737
Link
Thumb

Statistics

Comments: 10
Favourites: 16 [who?]


Views: 826 (0 today)

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
[x]
:iconneurotic-elf:
M+M=BFF

second page of the short story I'm struggling to finish before the mini-extention of the deadline !!
:faint:

*image edited - I'm a FREAK - I know!!*

MORE INFO LATER !! :nana:



page001: [link]

page002: [link]

page003: [link]

page004: [link]
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

love 1 1 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconzoulapaki:
~zoulapaki Nov 3, 2009
perfect as always...... :D
Reply
:iconneurotic-elf:
*neurotic-elf Nov 17, 2009
:glomp:
Reply
:iconsamax:
*samax Nov 3, 2009  Professional Artist
great art and storytelling. like i said before, you pictures are really telling the story!

i think the word balloon in the last panel is too high, though... i read it before i looked at the second to last panel. if it could be lower, i think it would not break the flow of the page so much.

this is only a minor thing, though. i think the work here is very very strong, overall!
Reply
:iconneurotic-elf:
*neurotic-elf Nov 17, 2009
thaaank you so much for your comments !!!! :bow:
I did made the changes you suggested as well !!
Reply
:iconsamax:
*samax Nov 17, 2009  Professional Artist
glad i could help!
Reply
:iconthech:
~TheCH Nov 3, 2009  Student Digital Artist
fu//en kids school sucks.
Reply
:iconneurotic-elf:
*neurotic-elf Nov 17, 2009
...you tell me about it... :shrug:
Reply
:icongliovampire:
Mood: Love ~gliovampire Nov 3, 2009
Unfortunately I cannot advice you on a technical point of view the way SlideStudios did. I am not drawing, so I cannot give technical comments. Remember, however, that the comic will be read by many people and the majority knows as much about technique as I do. So just an advice of a reader: I love it! I read the critique about the eyes,I cannot object to it as it comes from an illustrator and I am not one. But honestly it did not disturb me, never mind how many times I checked it. You may correct it but to a mere reader, the illustrations give the right impression.
I don't write this to flatter you;if there were something I did not like I would tell you. And why on earth would I flatter you? Better to hear a criticism by a friend than by an editor. So if you think it is important do the changes suggested by the artists but to the non-illustrator it is not so obvious. Hope it helped.
Reply
:iconwalter-ostlie:
*Walter-Ostlie Nov 3, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Nice stuff. I like how you did the last panel. I also like the girl's profile in the third panel.

But I think the eye lines are off in the third panel. The boy is looking to high and the girl looks like she is staring straight. Also this page doesn't have the grays that the last page had. Are you going to add that later?
Reply
:iconneurotic-elf:
*neurotic-elf Nov 3, 2009
thaaaank you !! :aww:
in the third panel, yes their eyes are a bit weird, I wanted them to look shy, not looking at each other directly, but it didn't really worked out... as for the grays, I might add some in the bg in this page and add them to the newer version of the first page as well.
:nod:

:thanks:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
Preview   Add Comment
©2013 deviantART. All rights reserved
About Us | Contact Us | Developers | Careers | Site Tour | Help & FAQ Advertise | Premium Membership Etiquette | Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Copyright Policy